Life

It has been a while since I posted. Life has been somewhat difficult for this sea otter mom.

School is an issue, more than it ever has been. Ryan is in the middle of the 6th grade year and it seems as though every single day is a S-T-R-U-G-G-L-E. Lockers and multiple classes...homework he doesn't remember how to do. Not enough time outside. Too much sitting. Too many people jostling him. Standardized tests testing his disability not his ability. A lot of crying (him and me) and hard work not followed by reward.

*Sigh.

So everything sort of goes on hold while we manage life. It is very hard for me to do that, but I am learning.

My next post will be more about school and navigating the rough waters of standardized testing, ARDs, IEPs and other nifty info you will need as you progress on the bizarre and wonderful world of sensory processing problems.

Sea Otter Moms

I have been reading the book "Tiger Mom." If you haven't heard a reference to that, it is about a mom that expects excellence in her daughters..pushing them very hard to excel in playing instruments, sports, school, etc. The "tiger" parenting style is all about pushing your children

to be the very best, with no room for error and no free time to just be a kid.

A mom of a special need child cannot relate.

For me, I had expectations of what my child would be. He would be intelligent (I skipped a grade and school came easy for me and my husband is highly intelligent,) musical and athletic. We would expect a lot from him and he would not disappoint. Instead he was delayed in every way, walking, talking, reading, running, with multiple disabilities. He was nothing like I expected. If he had been, I could have been in danger of being one of those "tigers."

Instead I became, the sea otter mom.

Sea Otters are known to be some of the most caring, loving and securely attached moms in nature. While Tigers have several cubs at a time, and take them hunting, Sea Otters have one cub. They provide round-the-clock care. When the mom goes looking for food, the baby otter cries until she returns. If the baby happens to die, the mom holds it for days, unwilling to let go.

When Ryan was a baby, he needed

to be held a lot. Kids with Autism or sensory issues especially need contact.

He had many fears and was so clingy, he needed to know that comfort was never far away. He needed a mom that could circumvent triggers that caused tantrums. He needed a mom that understood him even when he was unable to talk. He needed a mom that understood that when he cried for her,

it was not selfishness, but self preservation. He needed a sea-otter mom.

To think of myself as that tiger mom, pushing and pushing, scares me. It could have been me, but we were gifted with a special need child. So we parent and protect and persevere, hold and nurture, advocate and adapt. Ryan is now 12, and still needs many of those things.

So my message is: Sea-otter moms out there-- know how important you are, and how the universe deemed you strong enough for the task.

Blessings as you carefully parent the child entrusted to you.

On-Your-Own therapies

So money is tight your insurance does not cover SPD therapies. What do you do? Lots. Read on.

This blog is about the natural therapy outdoors probably within a mile or two of your home...The park. The park is a great place for an SPD kid. Outside is better than inside..fresh air and natural light. Many times fluorescent lighting is disconcerting to kids, it is LOUD (the incessant buzzing!) and makes everything look green. Sunlight on the skin makes vitamin D, which helps fatigue. The fresh air and natural lighting also helps deeper sleep at night, as it helps to produce melatonin.

Swings are great for propreception and vestibular senses. They also help the child with bi-lateral coordination.

Walking a balance beam is VERY hard for a SPD kid, so much better to practice in a non threatening arena. Climbing ladders creates work for the eyes, balancing system, gross motor skills and bilateral coordination. Slides help the same way, plus it is a bit scary, but scary in a fun way. There are often smaller slides for the very gravitational insecure child. Start by having him climb the slide if he is afraid of climbing the ladder.

Jumping and running trigger language. Hanging from a bar gives muscular sensory feedback and helps with loose joints. Exercise reduces stress by releasing the fight or flight adrenalin built up from the day's problems. Spinning on a tire swing helps the vestibular sense.

The park should be fun. If you are pushing your child to "experience" the park, he or she will not want to go back. Make sure you have plenty of time to spend and have them go at their own speed. If they want to immediately go home, take them for a little walk around, and tell them you don't want to go yet. Introduce things gradually. You might even find yourself on the swing right beside them.

No reason you can't enjoy the park as well....

hugs to you from me for the week!

Hippa-therapy

First, if you are a mom reading this...HAPPY MOM'S DAY! I hope you had a lovely day.

I wanted to continue with some thoughts on other therapies that we have done, which I believe have made a huge difference in compensating with unreasonable fears, particularly when it comes to balance issues or gravitational fears (fear of falling, heights etc.) Some of the therapies are very conventional and well-known. However, there are therapies that are not mainstream.

While nothing works for every child, I believe the best tool a parent can have is KNOWLEDGE. The more you know, the more informed every decision can be.

So one of the first unconventional therapies we employed was hippatherapy. The word "hippa" is from the Greek word for "horse." The word "hippopotamus" means "river horse." So the hippatherapy is in fact the term for horse therapy. (not riding a hippopotamus!)

This therapy is pretty readily available in most medium sized towns, usually in conjunction with a rehabilitation or physical therapy clinic.

The horses are older, calm and uniquely trained specifically for the therapy. 2 volunteers are positioned on each side of the child holding him or her on the horse. The child wears a helmet and the horse is on a lead, with another volunteer leading the horse around the pen. The child will work with a physical therapist while on the horse. They will ride, play ball, put rings on pins in the pen, ride backwards, ride on their knees, and do other activities. Safety is always the most important issue...there is no way the child can fall or the horse can bolt.

The horse provides a high, unstable place. The child must use his or her muscles to adjust constantly to the movement of the horse. Ball playing helps to trigger eye/hand coordination while promoting their balance. A horse's height helps to desensitize the child to the fear of falling, and the fear of heights. (gravitational insecurity) Senses must integrate if the child is to be successful. Many times the child is also allowed to brush the horse and feed the horse a little treat. (Ryan loved this part!) Bi-lateral (using both sides of the body in tandem) coordination is also enhanced with the horse-riding skills.

Ryan did hippatherapy for 16 weeks, once a week. He did an 8 week run, and six months later the other 8 weeks. We followed the hippatherapy with some horseback-riding lessons. I believe it made a huge difference in my son's ability to balance and cope with fears of falling. It also allowed his brain to make some connections in his body that were not wired correctly.

Ryan was around 5 years old when we began the therapy. If your child is younger, talk to your physical therapist to get a recommendation for a time to begin.

If hippatherapy is simply not an option, stay tuned....there are other things that will help your child's coordination and gross/fine motor skills, as well as calm many of their fears.

Therapy

Today begins my series on therapies available to the SPD child. There are many therapies, both professional therapies and those easily done at home and through activities and sports. If your child has been diagnosed SPD, likely he or she has physical issues with coordination. If there are issues with gravitational security, there may be high anxiety along with the physical issues. Sometimes, there are speech issues due to the lack of ability the child has to "feel" their tongue and mouth to make and form words. Likely you have been referred to several specialists.

Every child is different, and sometimes exploring a wide variety of therapies, you hit on several that work.

Occupational therapy is a way to help your child read better, write in a correct manner (not gripping the pencil so hard it breaks, making handwriting legible, etc.) fine motor skills, planning, processing and better functioning in school situations. They work with training the eyes and the body to work in tandem. The occupational therapist will use many different methods of helping your child think and reason better, along with writing, reading and processing skills.

Physical therapy addresses the muscle laxity and coordination problems of the body. This might consist of swinging on a low swing near the ground on their belly, jumping in ball pits, riding bikes, hanging from bars, balancing on low balance beams and learning and following directions through an obstacle course. Many physical fears are addressed, particularly the gravitational fear.

Speech therapy is for both expressive (talking) and receptive (listening) language. There is also work done to better process language, follow story plots, etc.

The good thing about these therapies is that they work. They are time consuming and you may feel as though you are constantly spinning your wheels, but given time and patience, your child will be better capable of compensating for the SPD, with more confidence and less anxiety. The earlier you get therapy, the better for your child, but at any age, SPD children can benefit from therapy.

Call your insurance agency to see what is covered in your plan. Also call the school system and ask them to evaluate your child for therapies that he or she might qualify for. The public school system provides therapy to children over 3 that are in need, even if that child is in private education. Early childhood Intervention provides therapy for children under the age of 3. Many times you can also receive services with a public funded rehabilitation center, as they offer partial "scholarships" for therapies.

I believe therapy truly saved my son. He went from being a very fearful, uncoordinated, not confident child, to a pretty good defensive flag foot ball player. Will he likely be a professional athlete? No. But he enjoys biking, skateboarding, scooters, running, basketball and talking with all ages of people. He can navigate a playground and a kickball diamond with out fear. Perhaps not the most coordinated child on the playground, but he is no longer afraid.

In order to give your child the best chance to do well in life, therapy is important, accessible and necessary.

Next week I will talk about some unconventional therapies we have done in addition to the traditional.

Grati-Tuesday

I am dashing off a quick note..it is a busy week. First though, I have to brag about my son..he PASSED the TAKS test. (reading) He is about to be in 6th grade, and Texas standardized testing requires each 5th grader pass both math and reading tests to be promoted to 6th grade.

So one big hurtle down..whew. He did not pass the math, but will retake and only missed a couple of questions. so I am confident and grateful.

Grati-Tuesday is a great day!

Another thing I wanted to share with you parent to parent. So much of Ryan's early childhood required me to be on call most of the time. If you have an SPD child you know what I mean. Much of the time is spent calming or doing therapy or cooking special meals or just managing outbursts before they start. Very little time is reserved for those drudge things in life like housekeeping or laundry. In our case, it just went on hold.

I am so so grateful that I could spend the time I needed with my son. And I am grateful now to encourage other moms and dads that are feeling guilty for not being domesticated enough. If you don't have time to put the laundry away or mop your floor, I'm going to give you permission today to put it off.

Be grateful that your child needs you now, and that you have time to give. If that time is in expense of laundry in drawers, so what? Clothes still work and socks still go on feet when worn out of a large laundry basket. Get several baskets and stop worrying..

The laundry and house will be there when you are 80 years old and bored. Then it will be clean and everything in its place. Today is grati-Tuesday. I hope you are filled this week with gratitude every day.

And filling up on Easter chocolate is ok as well.

Grati-TUESDAY

This week starts my first Grati-Tuesday post. Sometimes I forget to appreciate the little things, so to remind myself to be grateful, Tuesday seems perfect.

Today I woke up and went upstairs to wake up my son. There are about 11 stuffed animals on his bed. He considers them "friends." They were arranged neatly around his head. It made me think about his caring and compassionate nature. He is naturally intuitive and loves people. And he cares about his friends just as much as his animals.

Perhaps your child is not so caring or compassionate, but has boundless energy. Maybe he or she is super demonstrative in their love. Perhaps they love to cook with you, or beating you at video games. Maybe it is a love of animals or an ability to do math or skateboarding. Whatever gifts your child has been given, take this Grati-Tuesday to be grateful and express that gratitude to your child.

Often SPD kids feel like losers in life. And their parents often wonder why they were not blessed with a normal child. But really, normal is so passe'. Different and special is so, so much better.

Know that your child is your child for a reason.

They are yours not because they needed you, but because you needed them.

Brushing and Joint Compressions

Here is my long awaited blog on brushing your child to reduce their tactile sensitivity. If your child loves to be touched and hugs too hard, she will crave the brushing...if he is overly sensitive to touch, he will also crave the brushing.

So what is brushing and what does it do?

First: the brush. Specialty SPD stores carry them. They are similar to massage brushes and have soft plastic bristles. Firm but not scratchy. Do not use a baby hairbrush..it will cause too much tickling as the brush is too soft. Order one.

Brushing is a way to reduce tactile defensiveness and provide the correct amount of stimulation to rewire the brain. What you are doing is helping to reduce the fight or flight response. When that happens your child will act out less, have fewer tantrums, calm easier and be able to withstand everyday tactile encounters.

Brushing works best when used with joint compressions. More on that in a minute.

To brush your child, have them lay on their back and start with the arms. Brush one direction firmly (have them indicate how firm) 8 times. Cover the front of the arm. Then do the other arm. Move to the legs and avoid the chest area. Same protocol...8 times firmly in one direction (usually down feels best.)

Have him turn over and do the back, neck, head, both arms and both legs. By now your child is probably very relaxed and feeling great. You can follow the brushing by pushing a pillow down on his legs firmly. He will relax further.

Now you can do the joint compressions. turn your child back over. Start with the hands and at each joint, press the joint together firmly with your fingers...Start with the thumb joints, then fingers, wrist, elbow and shoulders. 10 compressions for each joint. move to the legs and do the same..avoid the feet, since they are usually very sensitive.

You have provided the correct amount of stimulation to your child. he or she should be calm and ready for either sleep or play.

Joint compressions also come in handy when sitting for a long time. take your childs' hand and compress each joint 10 times.

Questions? I am ready to answer them...but brushing and joint compressions are a great tool to use as your child learns to compensate with this disorder. Continued consistent brushing and joint compressions can go a long way toward helping him cope.

Sleep...zzzzz

If you are the parent of a special needs, sensory sensitive child, perhaps you have forgotten what it is like to get a good night's sleep. Sleep is elusive when your child jumps at every sound, and the slightest temperature change can cause wake-fullness at inopportune times.

When my son was born, I was told "sleep when the baby sleeps." This was hard as he never slept, except on and off through the night. Naps were rare and short, and I lived in a bleary-eyed haze, much like I believe zombies exist. Ryan would not sleep. He was always awake and always clingy.

Ryan also had feeding problems, I tried desperately to nurse and he never did quite get the hang of it. At the time I was thinking we were like many new moms and infants that had trouble nursing. He could not latch on, I tried everything. Lactation consultants, nipple guards, soothing music, wrapping him like a burrito...nothing worked. We would nurse for an hour, half would leak out of his mouth and thirty minutes later, we were back nursing again. He could not get full, and I was a wreck.

So this blog is not about feeding...it is about sleeping. So let me skip to the point of the feeding part.

I was desperate one day, and opened up a bottle of the formula the hospital gave me. I fed it to Ryan and 10 minutes later, miracle! He was sleeping. Did this solve our sleep problem for good, no...but it led me to a pattern of things that did, eventually, fix the sleeping issues.

If your child is very very young....great. You can start then to teach them how to sleep. A sensory kid will not be able to cry themselves down...they will just stay up. It will be 3 a.m. and they will still be out of control. The cry it out solution does not work. don't listen to grandma or your doctor on this one...trust your instincts. Crying it out causes more stress to build up in the fight or flight mechanism and floods your child with cortisol and adrenalin. Not good sleep inducers. They will be out of sorts the entire next day.

So what do you do?

1. Get a black out curtain and remove the outside lights from the room. There should be no street lights coming in or morning sun to wake them. Roman shades are great, or you can duct tape a black trash bag to the window and cover with curtains. SPD kids are very light sensitive and it will cause a waking.

2. Get a sound machine. They are around 16 dollars and you can get them at Bed Bath and Beyond or almost any electronic store. Find a white noise setting that covers up any outside noise.

3. Make sure the room is cool. 69 degrees is the best sleep temperature for anyone. Cold room, warm covers. If the child kicks the covers off..get some footed warm fleece pajamas. Cold child- and they will wake.

4. Fill their tummy with good food before bed. No sugar. Cereal is usually good as well as oatmeal. No cookies. Sugar causes waking. Red dyes cause sensitive bladders. No cranberry juice...sensitive bladder again.

5. Not much liquid right before bed. So they don't have accidents if they are potty trained and they don't have to walk to the bathroom during the night.

6. get a green nightlight. the white ones are too bright.

7. Pajamas need to be loose and breathable. No tags! socks need to be seam free if they wear them to bed. And skip the underwear...it binds and is uncomfortable and unnecessary under PJ's.

8. routines are great with any child, but especially the SPD kid. Bath with epsom salts, then snack, then story, then brush teeth, then bed. or whatever order you choose. Do it that way every single night.

9. Bedtime needs to be the same every night. No staying up late on weekends. This is hard for some parents, but the childs' system will be more in tune if the bedtime is the same every night.

10. Be patient. it will take your sensory child more time to adjust to going to sleep by themselves. Make sure they have an animal, doll, blanket etc. You can also try a weighted blanket or brushing right before bed to help them calm. Sometimes I mash Ryan under pillows right before bed...he calms down!

11. go outside some every day if you can. The more outside time and the more exercise the child gets, the better and deeper the sleep. Swimming is excellent as it provides that deep pressure as well as cooling the body, which enhances the sleep cycle.

There is not a one size fits everyone sleep system. You will have setbacks and you will feel frustrated. Don't give up! When your child goes calmly to bed and is rested the next day, it will all be worth it!

Ch ch ch changes....

To those parents who understand that a sensory kid takes up your time, I hope you will understand my blogging delay. We moved this year and I went back to work, both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer and Ryan went back to public school.

It has been busy. there have been many many changes. Ryan has flourished in our new neighborhood, made friends, adjusted to regular public school after finishing 2 years of homeschool, and become more secure, more coordinated and more content.

This year has brought many many changes to our household, and change for an SPD kid is hard. Change for anyone is hard. But why is it so hard to handle for SPD children?

First an SPD child is always right on the verge of losing control. The more assured they are that routine and structure will be maintained, the more in control they remain. Life simply doesn't work that way, no matter how a parent tries to maintain the status quo...there will be times when things just go crazy, and change happens.

Guiding your child through the maze of change is something I would like to address. As parents there are many things you can do to enable your child to maintain his or her control, even when the things around them are moving fast.

So how did Ryan do it? how to adjust in changing times?

1. I make sure he has plenty of good nutrition and sleep. Sleep, so important for all children, is even more so for SPD kids. Get a good blackout curtain, run a fan in their room, make sure your house is cool and their pajamas are comfortable..no scratchy labels, etc. invest in a sound machine and let them choose their sound they like to sleep to. Bedtime should be around 8 p.m. each night..summertime a bit later IF they can sleep a bit in the a.m.

nutrition also important. No soda. Sugar only at dessert after a meal, then limited. Limit also artificial dyes and nitrites. Both are stimulants and not beneficial. Lots of fruit if they like that, lean meats, veggies if you can and whole grains. Peanut butter is a good thing!

2. Plenty of down time. Time to be a kid. Time to be outside. Time without other children when they do not have to share their toys and time. This is important and hard for families with multiple children...but it is a must for your SPD kid. This will allow them security and harmony.

3. Exercise. Pushing is calming. lifting heavy things is calming. Jumping is stimulating. Swinging promotes language and learning. Hanging from a jungle gym gives stimulation to joints and can make or break an afternoon. Invest in an indoor swing that you can mount in a doorway. Play in the rain.

4. brushing. I will address brushing and joint compressions in the next blog.

5. Time to adjust. if things will be changing, give them a list if they are old enough. Talk many times about what to expect. For instance...we are going to Grandma's on the airplane. The child needs to have a schedule, what he or she might need to take, what to expect in the airport and in security, what he or she will do on the airplane and what food you might be eating. the more he knows the better he will be when the actual event occurs.

6. Give a time frame and don't expect instant obedience to change play or to leave from playing. Time, such as "in 15 minutes you need to have your shoes on and we will be going" gives them a moment to collect themselves instead of an instant "get your shoes we are going.' It can be the difference between a great evening and several hours of temper tantrums.

All of the sensory diet suggestions, such as heavy pressure, water, brushing and of course, therapy, can improve a childs' adaptation to change.

Water

SPD kids love, and hate, water. For instance, the first few years of my son's life, I never understood why he cried when I laid him back in the bathtub to wash his hair. Or when the water trickled over his face, he would throw a fit. Yet, he loved long long showers, and deep, soaky baths. So why all the fuss?

First, sensory kids have problems in space as it relates to gravity. Leaning back is too much, especially in the water, where they believe they will fall. The 'trickly' water running across his forehead and down by his ears feels terrible to him (much like bugs crawling would feel.) Leaning back to wash hair in a shower is a minefield, as in order to do this, many children have to close their eyes. He cannot sense where the water is, where the floor is or where he is, so feels as though he will fall. Remember that SPD causes some senses to fail, particularly when the eyes are closed.

However, water can be a great tool to calm. After all, water provides pressure. And as we have learned, pressure is a very very good thing. Swimming, even just playing, in a pool is a great sensory experience. Deep water pressure. Baths are great as well. Have a jacuzzi bath? All the better. Pressure from every side!

Water is also very important to drink. Sensory kids love soda. They love how it fizzes in their mouth and makes sensory stimulation there. It is not good for them, (or anyone for that matter) and will make the child feel worse later. Soda in moderation. Water water water should be the main drink. Splash it with cranberry juice. Shave some ice chips to 'wake up' the mouth. At least 8 glasses daily and more in the summer.

On another note...do NOT push your child to swim lessons too soon. If he or she is afraid of the water it will increase, not decrease. And the swim teacher is unlikely to have experience with SPD, or even understand the child's fear of the water. You must understand, the child feels as though he is going to die. It is certain mortal terror. Put yourself in the child's place, and try to comprehend their fear. It is real. They will learn to swim if you slowly but surely keep taking him to the pool.

Regular swimming is very difficult for an SPD child. It requires the child to do many things automatically and those things are not always automatic for sensory sensitive children. Breathing, arms moving opposite from one another, kicking, and putting the face in the water all have to happen simultaneously. Don't feel bad if your 8, 9 or 10 year old is still walking around in the shallow end of the pool. Be patient and keep encouraging.

(my 10 year old learned to swim 2 weeks ago. So don't despair!)

The last thing is about Epsom salts. Buy 2 or 3 big bags and keep a stock. Put 1 and 1/2 cups in the bath at night. Magnesium is a muscle 'helper.' It is absorbed by the body and causes deep muscle relaxation. Magnesium in the water will make a SPD kid feel great. Hard day? Too stimulated? Epsom salts. Understimulated, waiting around, shopping day? Epsom salts.

Bath's and showers are more easily navigated by offering alternatives to closing eyes, leaning back or light drips. Have your child lean forward to rinse his hair. Purchase a spray shower head and have them sit to rinse. No more tears shampoo...then they can leave their eyes open. Stop yelling at them to get out of the bath and allow them to take as long of a bath or shower as they like.

Encourage encourage at the swimming pool ANYTHING adventurous she does. Tell your best friend, mom, sister in law and Aunt Edna that she will swim when she is ready. (My mom learned to swim at age 65!) Keep going to pools and keep filling those bathtubs.

By the way, you are doing a good job as a parent. I thought all of you out there might need to hear that. Some days I wonder about it myself, whether I am making right choices. With SPD every child, day and situation is different. Take it one day and one issue at a time. You are also learning and compensating as a parent. Save some Epsom salts for you.

Under Pressure

Pressure, I have said, is your friend. Not pressure put on you by teachers or stress from everyday living, but deep pressure for your sensory-sensitive child.

As each day progresses, your SPD child's status will vary: over-stimulated or under-stimulated. Maybe both? Tell tale signs are a vacant stare, outbursts, being clumsy, suddenly falling asleep, violence, stemming, and tantrums. If that is the case (and in my sons' case it is a daily occurance) the child is unable to get back into balance by himself. He must have help. Self soothing is not in the SPD child's arsenal, and the situation will get worse if nothing is done to help him.

The reason deep pressure works best is the fact that pressure on a childs vestibular system assists the child to become more comfortable in his or her own skin. Understimulated children become focused. Overstimulated children calm. It is like magic. No, really.

Here is a great plan of action. You can try this when you child is calm, or when he needs to calm. Anytime of day or night is right for deep pressure.

1. Have your child lay on his tummy on a couch. Pile loads of pillows on top of his legs and torso. Be sensitive to your child's personal dislikes...i.e. keep his arms free, make sure he can breathe, etc. Tell him you are going to make a sandwich and he is the meat. put a pillow on and push it down. Describe it as the lettuce. Then make a pushing all over the pillow..spreading the mustard. Keep going until there are many heavy pillows on top of him. Push down each time. By the time you get to the top of the sandwich, he will be calm and very very happy.

2. Weighted blankets. You can order them from sensory processing websites. They vary in weight. You can see which your child likes, light or heavy. The blankets normally have weights that can be adjusted. Again, each child is different....so you can experiment.

3. Weighted animals. Again, from sensory websites. They wrap around the neck and push down. Great for younger kids. Not too much weight but enough for concentration purposes.

4. Weighted vests and belts. Order again. The vests and belts have removable weights in them, so adjust as needed.

5. Put a back pack on him with books in it and have him carry it through the store, properly supported...not hanging on the lower back!

6. Pushing is deep pressure. Fill the wheelbarrow and let her help you in the garden. Push the grocery basket when it is full. Load up the wagon with her little sister and have her pull it. All deep pressure activities.

7. In a pinch, have her do 'chair push ups' by pressing down with her hands and arms on the chair, lifting her seat up.

8. Tight hugs also do the trick!

9. Use the pillow idea but lay across the pillows (carefully). Your weight will be distributed across the pillows.

10. Joint compressions are deep pressure. Joint compressions and brushing go together. The brushing and joint compressions take some time to explain, so we will be exploring that in a later blog.

11. Baths. Swimming pools. Water is a great source of deep pressure.

12. Spinning in tire swings, spinning in general causes the g force to press the body down.

13. Pulling a sibling across the floor on a blanket.

Get creative. Lots of opportunities for deep pressure if you look around.

Don't withhold the pressure! It isn't a time out, it isn't a reward, it isn't a punishment. It is what he is not getting from his everyday experiences. The more he gets the better he feels. The better he feels the easier things are for him, and for you, the parent. That is our goal!

SURPRISE!

That word strikes fear in the heart of many a mom with a sensory child. Surprises and SPD do not go together, causing an entire meltdown which may not be resolved until the following day.

First, your family needs to know that surprises are a bad idea. If they insist, tell them you will not be able to attend the function unless you are informed in advance of exactly what will transpire. This may take a sacrifice on your part. It may ruffle feathers, and it may make you unpopular, but you are your child's first line of defense. So try to get the information ahead of time.

But that said, life is full of little surprises. Flat tires, relatives dropping in, new babies, swimming pools being closed for cleaning, a stop at McDonald's and chicken pox. All surprises, and not all happy ones. How do you avoid the 3 hour fit that ensues?

The thing that has helped us most is desensitizing my son. To do that is a daily conscious effort on our part. Start early. As a sensory parent, you are probably doing most of these things already, but if you are not, here are some tips.

1. Practice the same schedule on weekends as during the week for wake up time/bed-time/meal-time. Do not vary the diet from day to day. Don't feed junk food on the weekend and none during the week. Same same same. as much as possible.

2. Early to bed, early rise. Try to have afternoons to rest or free play at home. If there is going to be a surprise, if you have control over it, try to make it in the morning. I will speak on stress hormones later, but the stress hormones are more active in the a.m., so everyone is better able to cope with stress early in the day. by 3 p.m. they are too low for your child to handle anything out of the ordinary.

3. Decompression time each day. That means a quiet environment to play freely. Also outside active time each day.

4. Deep pressure. Deep pressure is your friend. Use weighted blankets, vests, or cover your child with heavy pillows and firmly press him. Pressure is calming to the propreception sense and your child needs it.

5. Brushing and joint compressions daily. I will blog about this technique soon.

6. Prepare before you leave the house on each thing that will happen today. Give him a list. Tell him that sometimes life throws things at us that we do not expect. Once every 3 times you go out to run errands, put the word "surprise" on the list. Then make the surprise-stop fun. A stop for a cookie, or a sonic drink. A toy store run where you get something small for them. If your child maintains their composure, praise them. If not, don't scold. Say "you must be very frustrated as that was not what you expected." Acknowledge their feelings but move on.

7. When life hands you a surprise that is NOT fun...flat tire, unexpected Dr. Visit. Be very matter of fact. If your child can read, take your child's' list and add the word "surprise" in. Hand it back to them and tell them that you know he doesn't like surprises, and tell him, you at times do not like surprises either. Give them a choice of what you might do when the crisis is over. (You must remain calm and non-effected by the event. the less you react, the better.)

8. Pack a 'surprise' bag. Include a favorite stuffed animal, earplugs, a body-brush, a chewy tube or straw/gum, and fidget items. If there are things he loves, put those in the bag only to be pulled out when surprises happen.

Desensitize him first, and next make the child look forward to surprises as times when he is rewarded, praised or otherwise made more comfortable.

So many times parents of sensory kids must shield the child from situations which might trigger episodes of tantrums or nervousness. Remember that a child with SPD...every day living is a challenge which is almost too much to bear. The balance is so precarious that one proverbial straw breaks the camels' back. As the parent, you know when you have reached your limit, when one more thing sends you over the edge. Now imagine yourself as an SPD child, at that state all day, every day.

What we as parents must do is to make the child better able to deal with life. Life is literally full of surprises, good and bad. A child that is somewhat shielded from this can handle occasions that are unavoidable. A Spd child desensitized and in balance the rest of their day can better cope with the unexpected. An understanding parent can also create a sense of stability, and the child will know that no matter what life throws at him, he can compensate.

More suggestions for eating.

Now I would like to tackle the actual eating experience, so that you can use all the tools in your arsenal to tackle the battle that is dinnertime. Certain parts of the dining experience can be key to controlling the meal and making it go the direction that you, the parent, want it to go. Common sense says that peaceful meals make things taste better and don't give you stomach aches. The same is true for your child.

There are also nutritional fixes, natural things, that may cure many stomach issues occurring with your child..which you may not even be aware of! More on that later.

Let's start with the environment. Make sure:

1. Use a calm voice and don't turn on the TV while you eat.

2. Try other rooms to eat in. Many times Kitchens have smells that overload your child's sensitive nose.

3. serve the food on non slip plates. Do not place all the food on the table. Serve everyones' plate then bring it to the table. Again the smells and textures are more easily handled in SMALL amounts...

4. Use different utensils. Many times stainless steel forks/spoons are too much (sharp edges, too cold/hot) for a sensitive child. there are other options for utensils, rubber tipped spoons, small forks, even chopsticks have been used successfully by sensory kids.

5. Small portions. Small bites. Small steps. All important at mealtimes.

6. bring a doll or stuffed animal to the table to 'try' the food first.

7. No power struggles please. No threatening. No scolding. You will cause the opposite to happen with your sensory child and he will shut down, or revolt and you will have more issues the next meal. remember, calm voice, firm, calm demeanor. small steps.

8. Praise a lot. when they touch a new food, praise them. praise them for sitting through the meal.

9. use a disc-o-sit in the chair to give them the chance to move around at the table. ESPECIALLY out to eat.

10. write down exactly what he or she eats on a daily basis and get some help from a nutritionist if necessary.

11. Try feeding your child before the rest of the family...if you are trying something new, and make it non threatening. Just put it in front of him and continue cooking and prepping the meal. Many times the no stress environment does the trick.

Now, additional nutritional issues that might be happening.

Has your child had lots of antibiotics? More than 3 rounds?

Does he or she complain of frequent stomach aches?

Does he or she want scrambled eggs all the time? Or crave fatty foods, like cheese, butter, pizza?

Does he or she complain that their 'bones hurt?'

Does he crave very spicy or flavorful foods?

Does he or she complain about stomach aches or have gas frequently, especially after milk products?

General digestion problems?

If You said yes to the antibiotic question. Highly likely your child has a yeast overgrowth. Your doctor will poo poo the idea, but I believe it can be fixed with natural organic yogurt or chewable Acidopholis bacteria. The antibiotics kill bacteria, and they also kill bacteria you need to digest food. Replacing that bacteria can make the digestion work properly again.

yes to the stomach aches and general digestion problems? Again, yogurt and digestive enzymes (at GNC, capsules, empty them into pudding or yogurt..) The enzymes give their stomach a 'helping hand' and will improve your childs' digestion and with it, their attitude for eating.

For the scrambled eggs, fatty food questions...the brain is lined with lecithin. Eggs contain it. and the body tends to crave the things that are deficient. Fatty foods could mean an omega 3 deficiency...which is remedied by more fish, flax-seed oil or supplements. Coromega makes one that tastes like pudding.

Bones hurting can also signal EFA essential fatty acids are deficient. Vitamin D could also be a cause. 15 minutes of sunlight a day without sunscreen on will fix Vit D problems.

Spicy cravings are oftentimes caused by zinc deficiency...zinc supplements are available and will help. These cravings are often associated with kids that do not like meat products.

Gas or stomach distress after milk products usually signal lactose intolerance. the digestive enzymes mentioned above will fix the problem if eaten with the milk product.

go to www.enzymestuff.com to read more about enzyme supplementation. www.integrationscatalog.com has disc o sit and alternative utensils to use at mealtimes.

GNC or your neighborhood drugstore carries enzymes and acidopholus is found at major retailers including walmart. Stonyfield farms is the best brand of yogurt with beneficial bacteria to boost immune systems.

I hope this answers some of your questions on eating . If you have additional ones, please ask.

Eating Issues, Part 2

Ok. So you have tried all the above suggestions and nothing works. You are pulling your hair out and the tantrums have reached all-time highs. You are ready to throw in the towel and give in.

My advice is, do. To an extent.

You can take away some of the bad stuff while you are learning how to adjust to new foods. For instance, my son loves chicken nuggets. So I might serve chicken nuggets (either home-made or a good organic brand) every other night in order to get my child's protein requirement in. The bad stuff, in this case, might be the additives or nitrites (in the case of hot dogs.) However, consider this..chicken nuggets have both protein and zinc. Both are important to feeling well, muscle growth and wellness. So perhaps I have 'given in' to chicken nuggets, but I also know he is getting a quality protein with other important nutrients.

We also might try a new food, or if the food looks and tastes "yucky" we regroup and are given a choice of a healthy alternative...i.e. organic fish sticks, quality peanut butter and low sugar jelly, etc. Then mealtimes can be pleasant and remain a place to 'try' new things...not be forced. Forcing a sensory child seldom works, usually time and familiarity fix things.

Another thing I have learned is which vegetables are "ok" and which are really not. My son loves green beans, but refuses tomatoes. Likes carrots raw, but cooked will not touch them. So we compromise, and yes it does mean sometimes that dinner is unconventional and a bit more work for mom. However, if you are fighting with your sensory child over dinner, it is time to stop and make it something you both look forward to, instead of dread.

If vegetables are just not an option, sneak them in! Or compromise and have more fruits if that is what your child will eat.

Your child will need the following at meals. A protein, a carbohydrate and a fruit or vegetable. How you do that will largely be determined by the child, the day and the foods he or she can tolerate. Breakfast can be unconventional...peanut butter and jelly is how we start our day. My son doesnt like eggs..never has. We have tried all carbohydrate breakfasts but they make him feel terrible. peanut butter is a good compromise and a complete protein.

Lunch can be the same every day, but make sure there is a carbohydrate, pasta, bread, rice etc, and a protein ...meat, fish, chicken, ham turkey, cheese, eggs etc. then add a fruit or a veggie.

Family dinners are challenging. Your child may be trying very hard to try and like the things offered. Remember that every day and every meal for a sensory sensitive child is a challenge. He wants to please you, he just cannot due to all the sensations that are flooding his mouth.

tomorrow I will offer other tips for children for that 'fussy' evening meal. And additional suggestions for modifications of utensils, environment, etc.

"He'll eat when he is hungry" ...or maybe not

I am sure you have heard the "just hold out and he will eat when he is hungry" advice. But for your sensory child, eating and all that goes with it are a field of land mines. Normal kids have normal hunger and satiety feelings and responses. Unfortunately, any parent of a sensory kid knows..there is nothing normal about life with a sensory child!

So this blog will be dedicated to some helpful advice on dining. In and out of the home.

First, let me say that many things go into the eating process which your (and my) child is ill equipped to do. Biting chewing and swallowing takes over 26 different muscles, and if your child has motor planning problems, this is an incredibly difficult task. The child may take tiny bites, or over-stuff his mouth (my sons' problem) because he cannot feel the food in it. Food and saliva sometimes collect between gum and lips, causing gum disease and crooked teeth.

The following is a common diet for a sensory child.

dry cereal and juice for breakfast
crackers grapes for lunch
peanut butter sandwich for dinner

there is a milk version that includes many milk foods, mac and cheese, cereal and milk, bagel cream cheese and juice.

Obviously neither diet nutritionally sufficient for growing brains or bodies. ( This will be 3-4 part blog series on eating, so read on! )

If your child has the following problems, you need professional help from a PT or OT (physical therapist/occupational therapist) trained in sensory stimulation and sensory processing.

not gaining weigh properly

cant join the family in regular activities unless specially accommodated with eating.

looks pale or unhealthy

frequently sick with a runny nose or cough

chronically moody/temper tantrums about food

eats mostly pasta cereal or crackers for dinner

frequent gastrointestinal problems...constipation, diarrhea

gags regularly

There are things a parent can do to help a child's nutritional choices and his nutrition. With-holding food that the child will eat for things he wont (he'll eat whats' served or nothing) is dangerous, as it can cause all sorts of health problems. So don't listen to friends' advice or your mothers'....about how to get him to eat. It won't work and it will make him sick. So what is a mom or dad to do? Here are some tips.

1. One new food at a time. ONE. to increase familiarity. If it is on his plate several times a week then he may get curious.

2. One bite. Just one..let her spit it in a napkin if she hates it.

3. Praise and reward for licking food. Yes just licking.

4. make a picture collage of the food they hate. (have them cut out the pics and glue on!) talk about the food in a happy way.

5. then have the child eat in a room with the food in sight. then on a dish close to him, then on his plate. then have the child touch with her finger, tongue, etc.

6. Buy 'jelly belly' beans in different flavors. Try one a time. have him identify the flavor. Make it a game. make it fun.

7. Condiments are your friend. use ketchup, Parmesan cheese, yogurt, mustard, soy sauce. Have him experiment with what he would like to try.

8. Fresh fruit usually tastes better and has a better texture than canned. Bananas are high sugar, and many sensory kids cannot bear the texture. So don't force bananas. Serve fruit cold or frozen to wake up the palette.

9. Vary the temperature. See if he or she prefers her food lukewarm cold or hot. then serve it that way.

10. Make a smoothie from fresh fruit, ice, milk and vanilla frozen yogurt. (frozen strawberries work great in this) Throw in some protein powder in a vanilla or chocolate flavor (one or one/half scoop). Make it thick and give him a straw to suck it through. The sucking is calming and the smoothie tastes like dessert....only you know it isn't. This is a great choice for a snack or if your child is not a breakfast eater.

11. V-8 makes a juice that tastes GREAT and is made from veggies and fruits. There are several flavors, try them all to see which one your child likes best. One serving of fruit and vegetable per 8 oz glass.

12. Avoid drinking milk, juice and sugary drinks between meals as it will kill their appetite. Too much during meals can also restrict what they eat (we have discovered that water is the best!)

13. If your child refuses water....make a spritzer. Put an ounce of cranberry juice in a big glass of water. Name it something fun...like "Kids' kooler" Tell them that it is just for kids. Try seltzer....my son loves the fizz...you can put juice in it as well.
you can also infuse water with pineapple or orange slices, lemon or lime. try different flavors until one hits right.

14. Let your child make a specific food list of things he will not be forced to eat. Make sure to stick to the list. My child has potatoes, salmon (although he will eat salmon croquettes with plenty of ketchup) Brussel sprouts and broccoli on his list. I never force those foods on him.

My next blog will deal with those that have tried all the above and are still having issues eating.

Dont give up! keep trying. You will adapt and so will they.

The Sensory Sensitive Child

The first of my posts will deal with the sensory sensitive child. If you have found my blog by searching 'sensory processing disorder,' you are most likely a very frustrated, loving parent, looking for answers. I hope to be one of the first to give you what you are seeking.

What is SPD? Sensory processing is something we all do. We learn to use the information given to us by our senses and it helps us learn to walk, tie our shoes, know the difference of a dime and quarter by touch alone and filter out unncessary information. We think about senses as being sight, touch, smell, taste and hearing. All true.

However, we have 2 extra senses. they are automatic and they are very very necessary.

Propreception is the 'fight or flight' response. Ever had your hair stand up on end? Or knew someone was in the room before you saw them? That is propreception at work.

Vestibular is where you are in space. In relation to gravity. This morning you stepped out of bed and your feet hit the floor. You did not have to think where to put your feet or modulate how hard the feet hit, your body knew right where it was. Your brain didn't help you out, your body just knew.

In a sensory sensitive child's world, his 'wiring' is off. None of his senses work correctly....Instead of fight or flight sometimes, it is always fight or flight, ..too sensitive they flee, not sensitive enough they fight. No balance and no middle ground. he has no idea where in space he is, so he is clumsy, falls, bumps into walls or people.

She has no filters, so the 5 original senses are either heightened to the extent that hairbrushing is excrutiating, or lowered so much that he can eat a bowl of hot sauce and spin on a tire swing for hours. Sounds like the vacuum, hair clippers or thunder can literally make a child scream in pain. Or they refuse to eat anything but one particular food, as all other foods are 'mushy' or 'gross.' Or they stem or do repetitive movements to calm themselves. Or they are constantly wearing shoes on the wrong feet, or they don't cry when the doctor gives them shots or they fall.

If this sounds like your child, he may be sensory sensitive.

Questions? feel free to comment on any post you like. I will be blogging often with help and advocacy and answers. Everything from school to family life, to unsupportive spouses and unbelieving doctors. How to's for eating, sleeping, playing and calming. Even getting the state to step up and pay for your childs' therapy after age 3 (yes, it can be done!) with therapy, the earlier, the better. Links for indoor swings, weighted blankets, chewy tubes and bumpy seats.

As to the parent that is reading this post, you can and will compensate, and your child is very very special. She (or he) needs you desperately right now, and you may be the only one to help her. I believe things happen for a reason, and you have been given a special gift, an SPD child.

Love them, and know you are not alone.